“Finding Me” a memoir by actress Viola Davis (post 2): “A huge part of me, my pathology, was a big secret…I had compartmentalized me”

“…deep inside there was a demon, and another part of me that was wrestling with the ‘alive’ me.  She, the demon, kept whispering, ‘You’re not good.’  But the other part, the fighter, the survivor, screamed back a resounding, ‘No!’” (1, p. 60).

“…happy moments would soon be followed by trauma—the rage of my dad’s alcoholic binges, violence, poverty, hunger, and isolation…I wished I could elevate out of my body.  Leave it.  One time, when I was about nine years old, I succeeded…I floated up to the ceiling, looking down at myself…Then I faced myself, staring directly into—me” (1, p. 70).

“…And eventually other inappropriate [sexual] behavior occurred that had a profound effect.  I compartmentalized much of this at the time.  I stored it in a place of my psyche that felt safely hidden.  By hiding it I could actually pretend it didn’t happen.  But it did” (1, p. 76).

“…A huge part of me, my pathology, was a big secret” (1, p.130).

“When I graduated from Rhode Island College, a voice somewhere far in the recesses of my psyche, which was always true, honest, and in hindsight, beautifully cognizant, that I didn’t have the courage to always listen to, but when I did, it served me perfectly, steered me to apply to a six-week summer program at Circle in the Square Theatre in New York City.  I got accepted…” (1, p. 135).

“Juilliard forced me to understand the power of my Blackness.  I spent so much of my childhood defending it, being ridiculed for it.  Then in college proving I was good enough.  I had compartmentalized me…” (1, p. 164).

1. Viola Davis. Finding Me (a memoir). New York, HarperOne/Ebony, 2022.