“The One You Want To Marry (And Other Identities I’ve Had)” a memoir by Sophie Santos (post 1): Preface

“…I was sitting across from my retired lieutenant colonel dad at a stripmall Mexican restaurant. He had taken me to lunch on my break from rehearsing for one of the spring college plays…

“So, kiddo—you got a boyfriend?”

“No,” I said…

Without missing a beat, he said, “You got a girlfriend?

BOOM. Just like that, my casual, avoid-everything lunch had turned into a high-stakes interrogation…

“Well, kiddo—you always had good female relationships.”

Female friendships.” It was the final nail in the coffin of gaydom. I was in a trance as we walked out of the restaurant, got into his car, and drove back to campus. I have no memory of getting out of the car and walking into the building for rehearsal, but suddenly I was sitting in the lobby of the theater building.

Alone. No one had returned from break yet, and it was just, me, myself…

All of a sudden, I let out a huge laugh.

I had accepted that I was gay. I mean, I was in a relationship, HELLO! But this was different. My dad had called out something that appeared to have been there all along…

What I wanted to know was, how the fuck did I not see the signs? (1, pp. xvii-xix).

Comment

Persons with multiple personality trait are more likely to enter trance states, have memory gaps, and to both know and not know things about themselves.

1. Sophie Santos. The One You Want To Marry (And Other Identities I’ve Had). New York, TOPPLE Books & Little A, 2021.