“I Heard Her Call My Name” (post 1) by Lucy Sante
“Who am I?…I’m a writer before I’m anything else…I had been stifling my doubts…But that very insistence was a clue to the fragility of my impulse…The process violated my innate sense of the dialectic, or perhaps I just mean my fundamentally dual personality…Lucy lives on inside me and always will…But that’s the way I’ve always been. For example. I couldn’t write—anything—if I knew in advance what was actually going to happen on the page…I’m too thorny and various and contradictory…So I’m sticking with Luc for now…I will be in daily conversation with Lucy.” The above note (from 12 March 2021) was hooey, (he says) or largely so…It contained…what he would later learn is called “internalized transphobia” (1, pp. 19-34).
Comment: Was the voice who called his name an alternate personality? Search “contradictory” in this blog for past posts on this characteristic of persons with undiagnosed multiple personality.
1. Lucy Sante. I Heard Her Call My Name (a memoir of transition). New York, Penguin Press, 2024.
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