“Nectar in a Sieve” by Kamala Markandaya: Protagonist is terrified by her own voice, because she’s alone and hadn't meant to speak
In India, during a severe drought, Rukmani and her family are on the verge of starvation. She has hidden the last of their food. But when she goes to retrieve it, most of it is gone.
“My stomach lurched, blood came pounding to my head, I felt myself going dizzy. Who could have known [where the food was hidden], who had done this to me? I heard a voice moaning and it was mine and the sound was terrifying, for I had not meant to speak. I looked about me wildly, seeking to see even in that darkness. Nothing in sight, not a sound except my own loud heart beats…” (1, p. 83).
Comment: To be terrified by her own voice, she evidently experienced it as ego-alien: as hers, but not hers; perhaps the voice of an alternate personality, of which she’d not been aware.
1. Kamala Markandaya. Nectar in a Sieve. New York, Signet Classics, 1954.
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